So here I am again ready for another blog entry. I've a debate tommorow and I'm so nervous. Apparently I'm the type of speaker to be able to tap into my emotions and are very good with projection etc but one thing is: I feel like I'm not the best and I'm scared I'll end up getting back my studder - I'm in a lot of pain because of kickboxing and I think I tore the cartlidge in my ear because it's been puffed up and painful for the past few days... I want to win and I want to do amazing in my exams for university.. How is my life going to pan out? I have no clue.. Guess we'll have to wait and see

So I can't sleep once again and thought I'd right another one of these. I've had this annoying feeling lately that I'm surrounded by people that secretly dislike me and just hangout with me for opportunities like parties, getting to know people, outings etc and it's really putting me down. Another thing is my looks. You probably don't know what I'd look like so I'll describe my features: Big curly hair, small eyes, big lips and a very big nose - high cheek bones but chubby cheeks and dimples , I'm quite tall but very round and overweight.  A lot of people have been messaging me or posting on my Ask.fm that I'm rotten and that I amnt pretty because of my horrible features and circle body. What annoys me more is that I agree with them. I've kind of gotten a little more confident about myself and I may have needed that to pull me back down. With my looks I'm okay but leaning more to not pretty than pretty. I don't wear make up because I hate it so much so I can't really hide my imperfections which makes it worse. I've been feeling quite low about myself but of course on the outside I'm a smiley and happy person. There's like one or two people that know me truly and even they can't tell sometimes. Have you ever felt like you wanted to explode? At this kind of times Id want to go to the sea or any pool and swim, it clears my head but at these sort of times being more concious of my body - I've hardly went swimming anymore but joined kickboxing as Id be more covered and lose weight. At these sort of times I just want to drop each 'freind' I have and start somewhere new, where no one knows me. No one hates me.  At these times I think of bad decisions but I stop myself and think of the good times where I was younger age of 6 before I moved to a place of racism and gained 70 kg - 140 pounds in the space of 3 years.

Good morning/ afternoon/ Evening / night . Whatever , So this is really weird , it's like an online diary 0.0 at least I can't physically damage this one or forget it on a ship XD My name is Rosie and as you can tell by the title - I'm Arabic and I am a weird ass human being. I'm going to start with something that really pissed me off  a few days ago (I think it's been two weeks) haha I was telling my teacher I wanted to apply for the UK - Oxford or Cambridge and really work my ass off maybe call them ask them to wait for my winter exams - maybe impress them with better expected grades and this ass comes out and says ' when I was in school I didn't get it - I don't think you can ' em here Mr. Shut up. Just because you didn't get what you wanted doesn't mean I won't. I was so annoyed I just wanted to stab him (don't worry I would never.. For now) and I was like yes but I'm going to work hard for it and he asks me what I want to do - so obviously I respond with my answer (law) oh the irony Rosie - I know , I know hahaha I'll become more lawyer like after school XD anyway he starts yapping on about how we need more engineers and that I should be an engineer - I swear I wanted to hit him there but of course I was patient "yes sir, but I wouldn't be very passionate about engineering". Well that didn't phase him, I had to be 'realistic' and look for jobs that were more stable and on demand so I would get a job faster. He complained and start talking about his life (which he always seems to do). I don't understand teachers sometimes. You're meant to support us, help us better ourselves but instead I have teachers like that or other ones who pick on me when I've literally done nothing. I even get in trouble for fucking writing down what they're saying during class, like WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?! People of satan I swear. But seriously it's so annoying - if a teacher does that to you tell them it's your life and your decision - I should've done that but because he made such a big fuss I left it and now regret it terribly but imagining myself in Cambridge - I would stick out like a light bulb. If you knew me you'd think so too *Laughter*. Apparently in blogs you're not meant to write out 'hahaha' so I shall cringingly write out my emotions.  Well hope you enjoyed my rant that has nothing to do with anything. Slán go maith. Salam . Good bye .