So I can't sleep once again and thought I'd right another one of these. I've had this annoying feeling lately that I'm surrounded by people that secretly dislike me and just hangout with me for opportunities like parties, getting to know people, outings etc and it's really putting me down. Another thing is my looks. You probably don't know what I'd look like so I'll describe my features: Big curly hair, small eyes, big lips and a very big nose - high cheek bones but chubby cheeks and dimples , I'm quite tall but very round and overweight.  A lot of people have been messaging me or posting on my Ask.fm that I'm rotten and that I amnt pretty because of my horrible features and circle body. What annoys me more is that I agree with them. I've kind of gotten a little more confident about myself and I may have needed that to pull me back down. With my looks I'm okay but leaning more to not pretty than pretty. I don't wear make up because I hate it so much so I can't really hide my imperfections which makes it worse. I've been feeling quite low about myself but of course on the outside I'm a smiley and happy person. There's like one or two people that know me truly and even they can't tell sometimes. Have you ever felt like you wanted to explode? At this kind of times Id want to go to the sea or any pool and swim, it clears my head but at these sort of times being more concious of my body - I've hardly went swimming anymore but joined kickboxing as Id be more covered and lose weight. At these sort of times I just want to drop each 'freind' I have and start somewhere new, where no one knows me. No one hates me.  At these times I think of bad decisions but I stop myself and think of the good times where I was younger age of 6 before I moved to a place of racism and gained 70 kg - 140 pounds in the space of 3 years.